Common Ground to be Found? (yes, it rhymes)

I totally get that Ordain Women is not everyone’s slice of pie, so to speak. I get it that woman say they don’t want the priesthood. That’s totally fine. I understand and appreciate that people disagree with various aspects or all the aspects of the OW movement. I can see where these opposing views are coming from. (I did grow up Mormon in a fairly conservative household, after all.)

           

But what I have trouble understanding is the lack of middle ground we are finding as church members. I have read/heard so many comments about OW, or just about feminists in general, devaluing their womanhood or diminishing motherhood or wanting to be men or being power hungry. When I read these comments it makes me feel like we have missed an opportunity as members of the same church, as women, as human beings to try and show compassion and empathy for one another. To maybe take a few more minutes and really understand the whys.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a feminist, aren’t there ways that the Mormon church can improve the culture around gender equality? I don’t think that is a faithless statement. I feel like we could probably all agree on that, right? (This is a great, moderate article on gendered participation in the Mormon church.)

Even if I don’t want the priesthood, it doesn’t mean that someone else’s desire is somehow unrighteous. Priesthood ordination aside, there are so many policies and cultural practices/norms within the Mormon church that can be improved to promote more gender equality. (Some practical ideas: having women Sunday school presidents, women ward clerks, have the Relief Society president sit on the stand with the Bishop, more female speakers in General Conference, perhaps a woman speaker at priesthood sessions, an official policy having young men and young women activity budgets be equal, more thoughtfully addressing women’s modesty, having women church leaders present for disciplinary councils for women, having young women usher for sacrament meeting, and many more… ) And I also don’t think that pointing out the need for improvement means I devalue my femininity and womanhood. I love being a mom. I love being a woman. I like pretty dresses, too. But there are times that certain church practices can make me feel marginalized, and there are certainly times when women’s voices are not heard. I don’t believe this is a flaw in doctrine, it’s cultural.

Women weren’t allowed to officially pray in sacrament meeting until 1978. The first woman to offer a prayer in general conference was in 2013 (after a group of men and women petitioned for it, not so different from the OW movement). There are still remarks made in bad taste about women’s modesty or chastity by prominent church leaders. My point is, there is common ground to be found, even with other Mormon women who have very different views than our own. Don’t we all want to better our church at every level? Don’t we always say “the church is perfect, the people are not”? How do we “perfect the Saints” if we feel like questioning any practice or leader will automatically label us as an apostate or cause such a backlash from our fellow members?

I would hope that we could agree that there is still more work to be done in helping dispel sexist cultural practices and beliefs. Even Sister Burton (General RS President) said: “[the church will benefit as] men’s vision of the capacity of women becomes more complete.” Through the Mormon church’s history people have asked questions, petitioned the Lord, prayed for change… and many times the change did come. Church policies change rather frequently, considering our relatively short history. Why is talking of change so scary? It is fine to disagree, but I wish there was more of a tendency toward understanding other’s viewpoints, rather than knee-jerk reactions to questioning our current church practices.

I'm personally not on a crusade for the priesthood, but I appreciate the honesty and integrity of these women as they do what they think is best to find a better balance of gender equality in the church. I support them because they stand to continue the discussions around gender equality.

I love the words of President Uchtdorf’s talk last conference: "[When people leave or I would add question the church] sometimes we assume it is because they have been offended or lazy or sinful. Actually, it is not that simple. In fact, there is not just one reason that applies to the variety of situations… Some of our dear members struggle for years with the question whether they should separate themselves from the Church… In this Church that honors personal agency so strongly, that was restored by a young man who asked questions and sought answers, we respect those who honestly search for truth… Sometimes questions arise because we simply don’t have all the information and we just need a bit more patience. When the entire truth is eventually known, things that didn’t make sense to us before will be resolved to our satisfaction… There is room for you. To those who have separated themselves from the Church [or I would add, struggle with aspects of our Church], I say, my dear friends, there is yet a place for you here. Come and add your talents, gifts, and energies to ours. We will all become better as a result.”

To me this echoes my call for finding more common ground. More empathy. More understanding. There is more room for love and tolerance within our differences.